so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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