We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
