I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
...so i touched it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
