i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
