Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
