Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize