I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
