even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
