i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
