i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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