I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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