It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So squirting runs in the family.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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