Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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