the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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