put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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