Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize