I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
