I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
