the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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