I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA