I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
