God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.