I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina