yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter