apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He better not be in your backpack
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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