it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My vagina just recognized that song.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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