the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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