batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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