She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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