I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
