i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
