Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
