he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
