im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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