He is like the real live version of the state fair..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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