Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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