butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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