Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
