Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
