i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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