i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
