from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
