Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
