they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
