i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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