people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found your dick twin last night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
