I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
