He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
