And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
