if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
