It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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