Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
