What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
