I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
