bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
