so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
