If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
