what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
