What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
