If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
