Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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