Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
