The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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