nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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