It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
