I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
