i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
