so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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