these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
