I met the friendliest cop last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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