I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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