he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
