He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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