I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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