hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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