I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
