the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
