my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
