Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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