i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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