I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
