if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
