apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
