This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
