wat bout pragnant strippers??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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