i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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